Bloggers Block  Still????

It has been over a week since my last entry, do I still have Bloggers Block or have I lost interest. My friend FD who I introduced to Blogging has been so prolific, but then she has always written.   I have started tracking a new blog on here called the Shower Room, which is also by a gay man, also a Canadian, but his life is much more interesting but at 26 I am sure my life would seem much more interesting now.  I like his site because it is interesting and entertaining.  He is obvioulsly a very talented and creative guy.  It would be nice to meet him and think we have something in common, but it is hard to tell from a Blog.  And he leads a very busy life so I am sure it would have to be a damn good reason for him to meet. But I shall track the Blog and see what happens...it is fun!

Maybe I am not making entries because I am really frustrated and fed-up as of late.  I just feel I am going no where and everything I want seems a million years away or impossible.   I want out of this town so badly but obviously not badly enough to do it...guess I haven't reached desperation yet.  When I run out of money will my attitude change?  My brother gave me a lot of cuttings from newspapers of jobs he thought I might be interested in today.  I thought that was very sweet of him, especially from a very smart and successful businessman, perhaps he just thinks I am a big jerk?   I just don't know about my job strategy.  Lots of jobs I am interested in but I fear people are not looking at me because of my education and past experience, they do not believe I could be content with such jobs.  They feel I will leave if something better comes along, which I have to admit is a possibility, but if I got a job that really interested me, I would stay to learn the field!  But as my self-esteem is at an all time low, that is my problem, convincing anyone I am worth hiring.  I did get a call from a work college last week, she said they would soon be hiring at her company and that she though I might be right for the position, I hope she can put in a good word, it would be an excellent job and an interesting job.  I guess I will just follow-up with her and pursue the issue.

I have also been fighting the past again. I just can not believe my ex SM wants nothing to do with me.  We were best friends and now he tries his hardest to ignore me.  I used to blame myself for betraying him, but in actual fact his actions made me betray him, he wants to take no responsibility for what he did...it is all my fault.  So why do I still want to be friends with this man.  Am I that terrible that someone can forget eleven years of history?  Is it me or is it him?  I guess to heal myself I have to believe it is him, but it still hurts like hell.  Will the torment of my past ever fade?