RELATIONSHIPS???

Why do we all want a relationship when they always seem to cause so much trouble, I guess because it is human nature to be with someone, we are not creatures designed to live a solitary life.

Wednesday I got a call from P.M. He was talking about his problems with his current boyfriend Olivier. Olivier is in love with P.M. but P.M. does not feel the same way. P.M. has told Olivier this many times but they had been having dinner the evening before and P.M. broke down and began to cry. He realizes he likes Olivier very much they have so much in common although he is not sure of the sexual attraction. P.M. feels he keeps pushing people away and should seek counseling to overcome this problem. But I think sometimes all of us push people away for various reasons, we may not want a committed relationship at the time, we may be at a place in our lives where we feel content and maybe we are just waiting for the perfect person to come along. I hope he can come to terms with his decision and his dilemma he is a fantastic guy and if I can't have him maybe Olivier should!

Is my problem that I can't let go of the past. Yesterday I was in tears again as I thought of S.M. and how our relationship crumbled as we both watched. Each of us too afraid to take action for fear of pushing the other further away. But in the end we just drifted further and further apart. S.M. does not think I am a very nice person. He thinks I am selfish, lazy and dominating. Maybe he is right, perhaps I am all of those things. Maybe I did deserve to lose him. Maybe he deserves better. Maybe I should just let him go, never to see or speak to him again. Maybe? But there is still something in me that wants to fight to at least retain him as a friend. Is that wrong?