PC Deprivation?

It has been over a week since my last post, the consequences of not having a PC at my beck and call 24/7!
It has been a tough week some days as the past comes back to haunt me. Yesterday I went to see a movie and began to cry (quietly and controlled) thinking about my ex S.M., how much I hurt him, and how I ultimately made him hate me so much, that he does not believe I still have very strong feelings for him. We both deal with this by remaining distant which is easier due to the physical distance of at least 4,000 miles. We do not send emails, make phone callsor write letters but we do include very brief polite on-line chats...that avoid all topics of any degree of sensitivity to either party. This is probably the real reason our relationship ended. He hates conflict of any type and I grew up in a family constantly at conflict, for me it was a natural state for him it was an unnatural state to be avoided at all costs. The result, he bottles up all his feelings and emotions until they can not be withheld any longer and he takes drastic action. And the result, I was told to leave. I on the other hand am constantly challenging and questioning. Two opposites where compromise was never considered an option....I hope we both learn from this. I really want to salvage some sort of relationship with him. He was my lover and my best friend and to know I have hurt someone to such an extent that they can not bear to talk to me or see me is a wound that is very deep and painful. But I would still do the same if I had the choice to make again. He ultimately was worth the pain I am still feeling...and I really do believe that if we still lived in the same city that reconciliation might be a possibility or at least a friendship.

It has been over a year, I should have stopped shedding tears by now and perhaps if my life was in order I might be able to suppress these feelings by immersing myself in other things. He seems to have moved on quickly and appears happy, but then he always appeared happy on the outside while wrestling with the problems of his past. Is there a way to salvage this? I hope we can!