He's Back!

P.M. has called three days in a row. I am confused and pleased. I enjoy talking to him, but does this mean anything that he has called so often? I know I should not expect anything from him, distance and circumstances make that improbable, but I just wonder? We were talking of text messages today or SMS. His phone only holds 17 messages at a time. He receives so many SMS from friends he has to constantly delete them, but before he does delete them he records them in a journal. He says he still keeps a couple of my SMS on his GSM. That means those messages are over a year old, because I can not send them to him from my cell phone here, does it mean anything or is he just sentimental? I have bigger problems I should be worried about, but I do enjoy the daily doses of Prozac his calls provide!

Still searching for a job. I have been encouraged lately about the increase in the number of jobs that are of interest and that I am applying for so perhaps I will find something soon. Dad suggested I attend a seminar on becoming a real estate agent today. The field does interest me, but I want out of this town, I want to live in a big city, and can I succeed as an agent in Toronto? I guess I should not doubt myself but just give it my best shot. I am going to call about the seminar tomorrow. It will be interesting to attend it what ever my decision.

Spoke to the ex, S.M. on MSN Messenger today, but I think he just felt guilty and said hello to be polite. I am very careful when I talk to him, I try not to say anything negative or to complain. I don't know why I do that but I want his friendship and I know he can not handle guilt and if I make him feel guilty he will want to push me farther away. Maybe I am crazy and should just be myself. All my life I have hidden from the real me...perhaps it is time to just be myself! Damn the others!