THE GOODBYE

Well tonight will be the last time I see the man. I leave for the city for my new job on Sunday, and his boyfriend comes on Friday so tonight, Thursday, will be the last time I see him, perhaps our paths will cross again but who knows. It has been a fabulous five weeks. I know I should not have been seeing him knowing that he has a partner, but there was some sort of very strong attraction drawing me to him. “A friend told me that in the beginning it is always love” and I suppose we all know what he means. Because of the situation I do admit I have not let my feelings get out of control which will make the goodbye somewhat easier but at the same time I will never have expressed or tried to express some of my real feelings to him. And that old enemy of mine, the self-esteem issue always rears its head. It says to me, that to him it was only sex…but in all honesty it wasn’t, would he have wasted time just sitting talking to me, going out for dinner with me and making all those sweet phone calls??? I guess it was just fate that we met that night and immediately hit it off, I told him I wanted to see him again that first night. And while I honestly thought I would never see him, he did send an email and asked to meet the next night…and it became a regular thing him four to five times a week. Aside from the initial physical attraction it was his intellect and personality that really made me want to see him again and again. He is a man I admire for going after his dreams. Of course as usual I am looking forward to seeing him tonight but on the other hand, it will be bitter/sweet and I will try to hold back my tears. But I will be thankful that I at least knew him for a short while and for the time being I will live in hope that sometime, somewhere we will be able to meet again.