FRIENDS?

I often worry about friends, do I have any, am I a good friend, how do I make friends, how do I keep friends?Questions I should not be asking. Things that should come to me naturally. I have never had a best friend. I guess lovers have come closest to being a best friend but in my experience they abandon that role once the relationship ends. I have a female friend who is closest to being a best friend, but I am not her best friend. I think a best friend would also consider you their best friend. A friend you can call to talk about anything, a friend should not be afraid to tell you the truth. A friend can call you when they have a problem. A friend would also call you when they have good news. A friend would offer you a shoulder to cry on. And of course I would offer the same to them in return. Is the reason I don't have a best friend because I don't know how to be a best friend? Maybe people can sense my insecurity and that makes them hesitate. I know I am a loyal person, a trustworthy person, a compassionate person, a loving person and I am honest and reliable. But maybe these are not the qualities people look for in a friend. I have never really had many good friends. Even in public school I was a bit of a loner. Perhaps people sense my fear of opening up to people, I keep my emotions and thoughts close to myself. I can appear cold to others. I can seem alof. Perhaps I appear that way because I am not sure about myself, I doubt myself. People don't feel that they can trust someone who doubts themselves. Maybe this also is the impression I give in interviews? But how do I get faith in myself? If I believed I was a great friend would I project that to others? They say that if you love someone and that if they love you if you set them free they will return if the love is real. But that can not be the case in friendships because if both parties thought the same, there would be no effort to make contact. In friendship contact has to be made to maintain the relationship or it will fade. I guess we have all had friendship that we have let fade. We speak to the person or have contact with them less and less, we lose touch with them, we don't keep track of their lives and eventually they become strangers. But then I suppose it is possible to do the opposite and smother friends with too much attention and you become a nuisance instead of a positive part of their lives. I think I am analyzing this too much, surely friendships should be more natural, not contrived, they should feel comfortable not strange and foreign. I just have to be confident that I can offer friends something useful and that friends can provide me with the same. I am making it seem too difficult, let it be more fluid and natural. Friendships should be treasured and shared but not hoarded, enjoyed but not be made exclusive. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, trust your feelings, and go with your guts.