Doubt?

Why do I still doubt myself? Why do I believe I am not wanted? Because I haven’t found a job yet? Because I haven’t made any new friends yet? Because I feel sometimes that my old friends ignore me? The ironic thing is that I am intelligent enough to know that none of this is true. But it is still hard to fight these feelings. I can’t expect to have people telling me how great I am all the time. I can’t expect my friends to understand what I am going through. Do I go out of my way to help my friends? I am not sure about that, most friends don’t or haven’t made demands of me, but if they did I am sure I would do what I could to help them. And perhaps if I asked my friends for help they would give it to me if they could, but I don’t ask. I guess I feel I have to get through this myself. This is my penance. This is the price I have to pay for leading the life I have decided to live for making the choices I made. I have to believe I will make it, that I will survive, that I will be stronger because of my struggle that I will find myself because of this struggle. It is these thoughts that help me make it through most days. People don’t want to listen to me complain as my complaints are not of a serious nature and my complaints are selfish. I guess it is just that human desire/want to feel needed and loved by others and to be respected by others. It is others who make us feel that what we are doing is good and that justifies our existence. Boy am I fucked up!