Chat Room Junkie

Am I a chat room junkie? Can I go a day without them? Of course I can if otherwise occupied but if I am sitting at home not doing much I seem to have this urge to log into them. Perhaps I can start the first chapter of a twelve step program to rid me of these chat rooms? It is nice to talk to someone when you feel alone, but then how real is such a conversation? My case in point, the guy I fell and talked about in a previous posting, for believing his story and then finding out that it was all just a tall tale( I suppose points should be awarded for admiting he lied?), because he was lonely and wanted to chat. But we did actually meet in person, he seems like a nice guy but not sure of his reason for meeting. He says he is happy in his life and with his partner, so what was the point of meeting me? Was he just looking for sex or a quick blow job? Maybe but he didn't get it although I was tempted as he is a very handsome man with a lot of charisma. I could have easily succumbed to the weakness of my flesh but for what purpose? I would be a secret in his life that no one could know about and the sex would be one sided...he would get his jollies by having me service him, ahhh no thanks that is not what sex is about for me. And yet I still have this desire to talk to him, why? Is it because I want to prove something? Perhaps I want to prove to myself that I am attractive to him and he might service me or even just want to hang out with me because I am a nice person. All a bit too wierd really. Probably just two lonely people in the world hoping to feel less lonely by being in each other's presecence in person or via a chat room. Oh the modern world...although we have more ways than ever to stay in touch with people and to communicate we seem to feel more lonely and alone.

Had a call this morning from P. It is always a pleasant day when P calls. His birthday is coming up next month and I'd love to give him something really special, but not sure what that would be. I 'd also love to visit him for his birthday, but perhaps this is a bad idea because he may not really want to see me or I would be disappointed as the basis of our relationship has changed. But I like him very much and value his friendship, if we lived closer I am sure we would be very good friends.

Had an idea for a play the other day....should get off may ass and put some of the ideas to paper, what do I have to lose? A few sheets of paper and a bit of time that I would otherwise waste in chat rooms. I know I am not a great writer but I do think that I come up with interesting ideas and even if I can not make the best presentation of those ideas...perhaps my ideas would or could intrigue someone talented enought to actually polish them and produce them as a play, it would be a wonderful feeling seeing something you created on stage. Well the working title is "The City Cottage", I'll have to see if I can get past the title and put more of my ideas to paper.

Getting frustrated about a job again as my recent good leads seem to have fizzled out. And at the moment there has been a slow down of hiring because of holidays but hopefully September will bring some more opportunities and an actual job!

Of course I was in a chat room yesterday and a guy I had met two months ago said hi. At first I did not know who it was until he reminded me of his name, D. He was a nice guy and we had a good time. When I left I had given him my phone number and email address as I was off to Toronto for three weeks but I never heard from him again. He says he lost my details which seems strange because he is an accountant and judging by his home and words appears to be avery organized person. He also said he thought I had decided to stay in Toronto and that he didn't want a long distance relationship ( Is two hours a long distance, to me no, to him maybe?) . Anyway he said he wanted to see me again so Tuesday we are going to see a movie, The Bourne Identity. He has called me everynight since then and we have had an hour long conversation. It should be an interesting time. He is a really nice guy, good looking and sincere but he seems a bit naive and not so wordly...not that those are bad traits...just don't know if he is really my type, I don't even know what we have in common besides sex, but lets give it a chance and just see what happens, at the very least we may become friends.

While I think that puts me up to date since my last entry. I must become more disciplined and try to do my entries more regularily.