Today...I sent off a birthday card to my ex S.M. I don't think I am angry anymore...I just want to be friends again...but is that possible being some 3,000 miles apart or does he even want that? I guess the distance thing can be handled it depends on what S.M. wants? He thinks I am trying to make him feel guilty for dumping me but what good would that do..there is not a hope in hell he would ever want me back as a lover. He sees me as manipulative, dominating and a user. Of course I dispute all those names. I became the same person as his first ex in his eyes...but then again that ex did not want to leave and S.M. actually moved out into another apartment in BXL until his ex decided S.M. was serious and the guy returned to England. I at least left without mush of a fight..I wanted to fight but S.M. asked me not to because he said I would break him down until he agreed to let me stay. He also offered me some money to leave...money I could have really used and still could as my search for a job approaches a year, but I wanted him to know I wasn't with him because of the money...it was because I loved him and if I took the money he would never believe that. Oh what a mess I got myself into.

On a lighter note, today it was almost 90'F or 32'C here today, unusually warm for May. I just finished eating half a pint of Hagen Daz ice cream...very good but watch out diet...tomorrow only water!!!

Questions or comments? lifestuffblog@yahoo.ca
.