Rambling!

I checked my friend F.D.'s blog today. I just returned from Toronto and finally have great access to the internet again. I was so impressed with F.D.'s postings. She is an amazing writer and although I have known her for about 11 years, I am learning so much more about her through her blog. It feels a bit personal but I guess I am just learning all the details that we seemed to omit in the past.

My blog on the other hand tends to be quite rambling. I write in the manner which I speak or think. Not exactly perfect English!
But I do hope it is serving a purpose and giving me an outlet for my thoughts.

Have been quite down lately about the whole job thing. It is bad enough I have self-esteem issues and this aint helping! Maybe my ex S.M. was right, I am a waste of space! I guess I just have to prove him wrong, but will I have the strength to do it...can I make it...do I have any other choice? It seems I have never been able to be myself all of my life and it is the same again. I find I omit things on my Resume or C.V. as I think I am over educated for the type of job I want or that I lack the experience for the type of education. Will I ever be able to be myself....maybe if I just am myself people will accept me?

I got a call from P.M. today, what a great way to start my day. I always enjoy our talks. He helped me make it through some very difficult times and I wish that fate would have allowed us to live in the same city for a bit longer so that we could have further developed our friendship. I jokingly said to him that he was my Prozac, but in all honesty he probably is!

Is my problem that I don't know when to let go? I had a hard time letting go of my ex. While I am over him, I do feel that I could easily fall for him again. And P.M., while I am over him to a certain extent but the dreamer in me still hopes! Is that why I have a difficult time making friends because I scare them away because I get involved too quickly and hold on? Maybe.

Yes a serious of rambles tonight, but then this is what makes this blog cathartic for me. I guess you have to be a member of blogger to be able to find my blog or have me tell you the address. I guess there are so many blogs on the net that mine has not attracted any attention...oh well...for me it serves a purpose!

Comments or questions? lifestuffblog@yahoo.ca