FADING

Its fading and I don’t want it to! I knew it would but I don’t want it to! I looked forward to all our talks, the sound of his voice, someone to talk with, and someone to listen. We started out as strangers and grew to know each other quite well. I knew he would meet others but I secretly hoped he wouldn’t, how selfish could I be? We used to speak every few days, but now it’s every few weeks. I miss the sound of his voice. I am selfish. We still chat on MSN, but I don’t always have his attention and I am jealous of those who have gained his attention but they have more in common and share more interests, I should be happy he has found them. I know he is busier than he has been in the past and I should be more understanding. I am jealous. Jealousy is not a good thing! I knew it would eventually fade, he wants someone close, close physically and close mentally neither of which I could be. I want him to be happy, he deserves the best and I wish him happiness and love. But I still hate the fact it has faded and I hate the fact I am jealous. But I still hope I can hold onto our relationship somehow even if it takes on a new form. He has meant far too much to forget, he has helped me more than he could ever possibly know and I still hope one day to have a face to face conversation and share our intimate thoughts, to share a bottle of wine again, to dance again and to laugh again and even possibly more although that is not what I want most. I have been selfish, wanting him to myself although I never had him to myself, I never won his love and I knew I never would. He has always been honest with me and for that I thank him, he has never lead me on, but always told me the truth…I was the one with wishful thinking and false hopes. It is strange how he came into my life and now it seems stange that it is fading, perhaps I am just paranoid..but at the very least I will always have the best memories of the sweetest times. Thank you. Merci.