2005

Well 2005 is over. It has been a year with a lot of changes for me. I got a job in March, great news, but it is a job I dislike and pays very little. My year will be up soon and I hope I can find something more appropriate. I moved to Toronto, a nice city if a lonely place. I had a very short lived relationship. I met some new friends. I started a new life. But I still find it hard to forget the past. I am still in love with my ex. I should be mad as hell at him, but I can't make myself hate him no matter how hard he hurt me. I am an emotional wreck sometimes because of the past or is it because of my near death illness a few years ago. Ever since then I am very emotional and hold onto the past perhaps in the same way I held onto life and won't let go.

I had no plans for this New Years Eve as I have had only one memorable time (The millennium). It is usually a time to be made to feel you don't have enough friends and you pay four times the price for a meal in a restaurant. So hence I made no plans except for a quiet night in alone.

I had made plans to meet a couple of friends to play with at 3PM. I decided to go see a movie first, " Memoirs of a Geisha"..then I went to their place at three expecting to play for a couple of hours come home and pop a frozen pizza in the oven. Instead after we finished playing, they asked me to stay for supper as they had no plans. I accepted although I felt a bit weird saying yes, as they would think, " this sad guy has no plans!" But I have enjoyed their company many times in bed and out as we go to dinner and the theatre regularly. Dinner was a hearty beef stew perfect for the sudden cold of New Years Eve. We finished a leisurely dinner with wine, then went to the living room to relax, shorlty ending up in the bedroom for another round of play. Then we sat down to watch a movie and to watch the New Year enter. Shortly after midnight I said my good nights and left. It was a nice evening and totally unexpected...a great surprise.

Only two friends called me on New Year's Eve. I had hoped others would think to call but I guess they could say the same about me calling them.

2006 can only be better than 2005 and I look forward to the changes! Happy New Year!!!