ENOUGH?
It just seems like enough. The time of the year when you are supposed to be happiest. But here I am single, alone, broke, working a job I detest, living in a city that I don't want to live in, few friends and not much going for life now. Is it just anotther mid-life crisis or am I to be alone the rest of my life. I suppose I should accept the fact that I will be alone and just move on. After three failed relationships one of which I thought was "the" relationship, it seems I don't have what it takes to be in a relationship. I somehow make people hate me, perhaps becuase I can't possibly believe I am a good person. I never have liked myself and I haven't figured out how I can learn to like myself and how can I possibly think anyone will want to be with me, if I don't believe it myself?. So the answer is to become celibate and just enjoy life for what ever it can offer, even if it seems insignificant at the moment. IUp to this poine I have destroyed relationships, I have ended the only career I found that I had enjoyed. And I can't even stick to a diet because if I am thin ,people might find me attrative. I wish I was intelligent, I wish I was creative, I wish I was a nice person, I wish I could believe in myself, I wish a lot but that will never get me anywhere, but how can I make myself a nice person, make myself believe in me, make myself creative, I guess the only thing I can't change is my intelligence...that is limited by genetics.

Sorry you had to read this but writing it down is the only way that seems to help me.

I miss so much right now...distant friends....lost loves.......but I can never have that back so accept it, accept it, accept it!